Here are the Rules. There are three of them and they are not rocket science. Pay attention. If you want to survive a deployment, you must follow these rules to the letter as your sanity may depend on it!
1. Do NOT watch the news!!
Watching the news is not a good idea. The media only wants to tell the juicy tidbits about how many soldiers were killed or wounded each day without any of the details that would reassure a wife to know that "It was not my husband." When you hear on the news that a soldier from such and such a post or unit was killed, you are going to panic. It is NOT worth the emotional trauma!! Don't even fucking turn it on.
2. Stay busy.
This sounds easy, but it's not. Even if you have kids, a job, pets, whatever, you need to be able to keep your MIND busy and away from dwelling on a spouse who is not here and is in harm's way. I am not saying to forget your spouse or to try to pretend the deployment isn't happening. All I mean is that spending all your time physically busy while your mind is 10,000 miles away in a war zone is only going to lead to exhaustion and a melt-down. We are military spouses. Let's face it--we're all a little crazy to start with. We do not need to end up committed to a loony bin because we didn't have the intestinal fortitude to buckle down, face reality, and challenge our minds to stay stateside and sane!
3. Find someone to bitch to!
I don't care who it is: your mum, your neighbour, your best friend, another Army wife, your FRG leader. . . Whoever it is though, it needs to be someone who understands about deployment (ie. has gone through one) or it needs to be someone who will simply listen and not try to be sympathetic. Sympathy is all well and good, but when my husband is gone and you are talking out of your ass telling me you understand, I just get angry. Choosing the person at whom you will bitch is one of the most important decisions you will make during deployment. Choose wisely!
I suppose you might be asking whether I follow my own rules and you can bet your sweet ass I do! I would not put this up here if I didn't fucking practice what I preach. Let me break this down for you:
1. I do not watch the news. Ever. Not even the weather. If I want the weather, they have weather.com for that. I stay away from all things media related during deployment. So I will probably say "huh?" if you mention what the president did or that forest fire in BFE. I do not watch the fucking news.
2. I stay busy, busy, busy and here is how. I have four kids (2 of whom I homeschool), 2 huge dogs, and FRG volunteer work. So I am physically busy, but is my mind being stimulated? If phone calls at least twice a week about information for FRG matters, daily phone calls from wives who have made me their person to bitch at (not complaining), lesson plans, chasing a 10 month old and helping him to learn and grow, reading a 300 page book on average per day, and helping whoever calls and needs my help are not enough stimulation, then I am fucked five ways from Sunday and you might as well just bring that funny white coat. . .
3. My poor mother. Does that answer sufficiently the question of if I have found someone to bitch to? That poor woman, God bless her, has listened to me complain about more things and more times than any one person should ever have to hear in a lifetime. The last thing I'm sure my mother want to hear is her child crying on the other end of the line, or screaming like a banshee that her husband is a fucking asshole, or complaining about sex and the lack thereof she is experiencing. Yet my mother sits through all of these calls and just listens. No judgment. No attempts to sympathize. Just listens to the psycho bitch her daughter can be. My mom is the SHIT!!
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and every deployment I learn something new. But these three little rules have served me well and maybe they can help someone else out. I don't know. Maybe I'm already out of my fucking mind, haven't realized this yet and these rules are actually a form of denial. . .
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