You would think that by 3 1/2 years of age, a child would be sleeping through the fucking night, but NO! My little shithead son likes to get up at 2am every day just to fuck with his very pregnant mother and make her feel even more like ass than she would if all she had to contend with was looking like a bowling ball and being kicked in the ribs day and night. To be fair, it's not E's fault that he's up in the middle of the night. He has allergies. So he can't fucking breathe and wakes up coughing his lungs out and blowing out enough snot to sink the damned Titanic.
I guess I should be happy that I at least know what the fuck is wrong with my kid, but it's hard to happy when it took the doctors at the hospital here a fucking YEAR to listen to me. I'm just his mother. I'm the one who knows how many people come in the house with communicable diseases that he can pick up. But what the fuck do I know? Other than it is NOT normal for a two and three year old to be sick every fucking month and to be pouring so much mucus out of his nasal cavity that his normally hospital-shy parental unit condescends to make appointments to have him seen by a doctor, who is supposed to know their ass from a hole in the ground? After a year of being told he had a cold (that's the longest fucking cold in history and the kid should probably be dead by now), I finally got to see a different doctor who said he has allergies. Put him on Zyrtec. Nose stops running like a sieve. Kid sleeps. Fantastic.
Yeah, right. The Zyrtec may do its job and stop the river of snot from flowing, but there is just one tiny issue. Apparently, my little son is allergic to the allergy medicine! How the fuck is that even possible? I give him Zyrtec and he can suddenly breathe and therefore (to my great and abiding delight) sleep, but he gets a rash which he scratches incessantly so he has scabs all over his back and belly! Nice. Seriously, if these are the brilliant doctors that are serving the active duty personnel and their families, I would hate to have to deal with the fucktards they must have serving the VA!
So we are yet again off to the fucking doctor to see how the hell they are going to take care of this, because I am no longer in the mood to deal with their blatant stupidity. Please, piss off the pregnant lady. If they thought I was a bitch before, they have NO idea what they are in for now that I am sleep-deprived and experiencing all the so-called joys of being pregnant. Whoever said that pregnant women glow never had the pleasure of being around me whilst I was pregnant. . . If I glow, it's from sheer unadulterated rage.
So on top of the non-sleeping little ass, I also get to deal with my husband who is a big ass. There is a rotation going on right now, which means that all those days off that everyone supposedly gets he doesn't. 12-18 hour days every day. He worked Memorial Day weekend, which was a four-day DONSA. So when he's home, he's tired. I get it. I really fucking do, which is precisely WHY I sit up with the little man and let him sleep whenever he can, but damn it! I wish he would figure out that being 20 pounds heavier than usual, getting kicked, and sitting up all night with a sick kid mean that I am fucking tired too! "I'll stay up with E tonight. I got some decent sleep and I'm feeling more awake today. You go to bed early and rest," he says to me. Um, being asleep on the couch at 9PM before the kid has even gone to bed is NOT staying up with E!
Now I do have to confess that I did get to take a nap today. This was after E got up at 0230 and was up and down until 0500. I was up at 0730 to make sure all the teenagers that had invaded my house after prom last night got off to their respective homes in a timely fashion. Finally got a nap after noon. Two hours worth. (Here's where I do a happy dance and announce how GRATEFUL I am to have such a loving husband that he will allow me to take a nap at all, considering that I sit at home all day and he WORKS.) But then, after my two hours of blissful repose, the hubby feels the need to take a shower, slam closet doors, and leave the kids to scream and rant and rave and run around. Guess I'm getting the fuck up.
So here I am at 2335 bitching about the lack of sleep I have been experiencing because I really have nothing better to do until his royal highness wakes up choking on mucus again which is becoming so regular I can almost set my clocks by his coughing fits. I have about 20 minutes before round one begins in the booger battle royale, so I should shut the fuck up and get the barf bucket ready. Oh joy. . .
P.S. With respect to my husband (who is typically not an ass, except when he basically lives at work), who really did in fact fall asleep on the couch before the kid had gone to bed, that very kid who had not been to bed in even now sleeping on the couch with his father. So when the little fucker wakes up to cough and choke and puke, he'll be waking up daddy dearest. Probably with a kick to the balls because he is asleep between my husband's legs. Oops. So I guess one way or another, the hubby will be staying true to his word and "staying up with E tonight." Fuck you very much.
