The good idea fairy is a fucking bitch! Getting orders to Germany may sound like a fantastic idea for a variety of reasons that range from getting away from the HMFIC assholes who have ruined my Rakkasans to getting to see Europe with my husband for once instead of being left behind again, but that fucking fairy is just laughing her ass off at you because she knows you're going to be taking it up the ass soon!! What sounds like a great idea is sure to turn into a fucking shit storm the instant you let down your guard and assume that life is going to be rosy.
The fucking fairy has at least one thing right. Germany is fucking beautiful. Gorgeous. We are in the middle of bum-fucked Bavaria, in a tiny little town with 7 other American families living in government leased quarters. And these quarters put the housing at Campbell to shame. It's huge, wood floors, lots of storage space, a fantastic playroom for the kids, quiet neighbourhood. Post is a 15 minute drive through the countryside and there is a gorgeous city 165 minutes in the opposite direction with some amazing medieval architecture and great shopping (or so I hear--not much of a shopper myself). I really like it out here in no-man's land.
Well, I do now that I have all my shit. It took two weeks longer than they said it would to deliver it and that was only because I called every fucking day for a week asking where the hell my stuff was and trying to explain that I have four kids who are going to meet with untimely ghastly ends if our shit doesn't arrive soon to provide them with means of entertainment that will keep them out of their mother's hair and off her nerves!! And we finally got internet after six weeks of waiting for them to show up and hook it up. The dude was here 5 whole minutes, spoke NO english, and failed to bring the router to make it work because he technically works for a different company than the one we are getting internet through so a special router is obviously necessary, requiring yet another pointless trip to post.
Because post is miniscule. Tiny. The PX is the size of a shoppette at Campbell and the commiscary is not much bigger. Not to mention that all the meats they sell there have been irradiated and frozen for shipment from the states. YUMMY!! Trying to decide where to go to buy things, like diapers, has been entertaining to say the least, because the PX does not sell diapers. You have to go the commissary or--wait for it--the Class Six!?!? And in case you don't know what a Class Six is, it's the fucking booze store. I don't know about you, but when I buy diapers to take care of the shitty baby, I like to be able to buy rum in the same place so I can get shitty myself.
With a post this size, one would think that getting things done would be a snap. I mean, fuck, you don't even need a car to get around!! You can fucking walk from one end of post to the other in 15 minutes. But then you come to learn that finance, for example, is only open on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday from 0900-1030 and 1300-1400 at least this week, because they seem to change their hours weekly. And that every fucking office on this post closes for an hour and a half everyday for lunch. And that half the people who work in the offices are Germans who speak little to no English! Maybe that is an exaggeration, but fuck me sideways, this place gives a whole new meaning to "Hurry Up and Wait!" And I thought deployment was the end all on that particular phrase.
The only other thing that the fucking good idea fairy had right was that the bread and desserts here are to die for! We have been buying bread at the local bakery and OMG!! kill me now before I get fat just looking at all the goodies. I'm in fucking carb heaven. But good luck trying to explain that you want a loaf of plain white bread in a language you don't know to someone who looks at you like you have eight heads because your German sucks. I can count to ten, say thank you, please, and you're welcome and that's about it. No wait. . . the kids like to go to the spielplatz (playground). And that is the range on my German. So I'm fucked when shopping unless they have very clear labels on things.
Next time the fucking good idea fairy shows up, I'm killing that bitch.
