Wife: "So, how did it go?"
Husband: "Great! I only died five times."
How the hell are you supposed to respond to that? Your husband has been in the field, running around with a weapon, practicing to kill the enemy. Not the kind of thing you want to hear come out of your husband's mouth, but in the infantry this is just casual conversation after a training exercise or field time.
And then there's the kids. Dad's deployed. You're at church. A man walks over and asks the kids where their daddy is. My oldest, who was 7 at the time, says without batting an eyelash, "Daddy is killing bad guys!" In church. Fan-fucking-tastic. That's a conversation stopper if ever I heard one.
But let's not forget the stupid stunts the guys pull. Like the pet camel spiders. These fuckers are huge! And by huge I mean, the size of your head. Not poisonous or anything, but big, hairy and ugly. The boys caught them and would have fights with them. Taking bets on whether the spider or the scorpion would win. Nice. But the best was Camel Spider vs. Baby chicken. The spider ate the wings off the chick first, then one of its feet, and then for the piece de resistance, it climbed up the chicken's ass and got a standing ovation as it burst the chick into pieces from the inside out. Sick bastards.
Of course, sick shit like this is great conversation fodder. These guys live together 24/7 and share everything with each other. And I do mean everything. From naked pics of the girlfriend (which my husband avoids because he swears he will never be able to look those women in the face if they end up married) to the latest and greatest methods of masturbation. My husband learned a new one this deployment. It's called "the stranger." I want to know who the fuck thinks shit like this up.
"The stranger" involves somehow cutting off the circulation to your arm via tourniquet or sitting on your hand until it falls asleep. Then you can jerk off and it's like having a sex with a stranger. Your hand is no longer your hand; it's a pocket pussy that's attached to you. I don't get it. I talk about a lot of things with my friends, but only in the infantry would you get lessons on new ways to fuck yourself.
But I suppose fucking yourself is better than being fucked in the ass by the CoC. Just saying. . .
