A Rakkasan Wife New Year's Resolution

SO here we are again at the close of another year and the standing tradition is to make a resolution to somehow better yourself in the coming year.  Fun, fun, fun.  And I've been seriously thinking about what the fuck I can do to improve on the perfection that is me.  In all seriousness though, I have a ton of faults and I can think of lots of shit that would make me a better person--it's just that none of the things I can think of or that are "popular" resolutions are just not in the realm of possibility.

The big one seems to be to lose weight.  Well, FUCK that!!  I weigh 95 pounds soaking wet.  If I lose weight, my husband invariably informs me that I look anorexic and he refuses to fuck a skeleton!!  Since I like getting laid on occassion, losing weight is right out!!

Another resolution that seems to be popular is to quit drinking.  Again, not happening.  Simply stated, I don't drink beyond an occassional glass of wine.  Ninety pounds and alcohol just do not mix, and since a full glass of wine has me tipsy, I just don't fucking drink.  I know that it's near blasphemy for a Rakk wife to be a teetotaler, but I really don't have much of a choice.  I'm a cheap drunk!!

Next possibility is to quit swearing.  Yeah, right!  Who the fuck could ever possibly think that this was a good idea??  I can barely get through one sentence at a time without dropping a fucking f-bomb, so how the hell am I supposed to quit swearing?  I'm not an idiot with a complete lack of vocabulary and no grasp of syntax.  I actually, despite all appearances to the contrary on account of my foul mouth, am quite intelligent and employ words that baffle most people I know.  I just appreciate these delightful turns of phrase and recognize their efficacy in accomplishing what needs to be done, as does every Rakkasan who has told a private to "get it fucking done!"  So fuck that resolution in the ass and send it on to hell.

I could always give up smoking.  That's a good one, if you don't have four kids, an infantryman with an attitude for a husband, and an ability to handle stress without resorting to violence.  Unfortunately, I have neither the capacity nor the desire to give up smoking if I want to ensure the survival of my minions and my sanity.  So there's another idea, out the fucking window!!

So my final option, and the one I'm favouring right now, is to simply say FUCK IT ALL!  And by this I mean simply that if someone pisses me off, I will let it roll over me.  Be it the kids or the husband or the crazy bitches I meet, I will be the better person and I will simply destroy them.  Without anger or malice.  I will not dwell on the wrongs done to me.  I'm taking a page from the infantryman's way of handling things.  When you get shit on, it's time to fuck someone up!! 

So there you have it.  My New Year's Resolution.  My bitchiness remains intact and my life will be simpler.  Now it's time to go blow shit up (German tradition--fireworks on New Year's).  Have a very Happy New Year!  I know I will. . .