So I thought that having the hubby stateside meant that I would be having sex and not sleeping because of the frequency and duration of said sex, but I have children who hate me and want to ensure that their mother never gets laid ever again! We spend the first day he's home waiting and waiting and waiting some more for the damn unit to release them, but some stupid fuck lost a bag. And rather than just fill out the fucking paperwork and count the damn thing as a lost cause, they decide it's more fun to torture everyone and make them wait some more to take their soldier home. Wasn't deployment long enough?? We really need to extend it any way we can? Assholes.
So I finally get him home and have dinner with the family. Lay the baby down. Get the 5 year old off to bed. Teenagers are in their caves, never to be seen again and just starting to think that sex-time is approaching, when we discover a screaming baby in a pool of vomit and a diaper full of something approaching the texture and consistency of chocolate milk. Yay! We're up all night with the baby who is sore and tired and puking his guts up. And then the five year old gets up at 0500 and vomits all over, but seems to be fine after so at 0630 he's on the bus to school. T left for reverse SRP at 0600. Baby goes down at 0700 and I'm stupid enough to think I might get a power nap in. Yeah right!
0715 the phone rings and I am informed that I need to go pick up the kid from school because he has puked on the bus and himself and his shoes. . . I get my oldest up to pull guard duty on the puking baby (who is still asleep), tell my daughter to have a good day when she catches the bus at 0730, and drive in a semi-catatonic state to the school to get my other sick child. Nice. I get home to a still sleeping baby and I'm still wanting that nap, but of course just as I get comfy, the bugger wakes up and pukes again. And the diaper is nasty again.
That was day 2. Day 3 and 4 have been more of the same. I am subsisting on 1 or 2 hours of sleep whenever I can catch them (and they are speedy fuckers who don't like to be caught), washing load after load after load of laundry that has bodily emissions on it that I don't even want to think about, trying to ensure the baby is never ever not being held or he screams bloody murder, and keeping candles burning so the smell that is permeating my house doesn't make anyone else vomit, all while attempting to find an opportunity to maybe get in a quickie with my husband.
When you have a choice between sex and sleep and you haven't had sex in a year, I would think it wasn't much of a choice. But I'm really leaning toward the sleeping thing and that's just fucking sad.
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