A Letter to my Husband

**Please take note. My husband is really being nice to me thus far, but that is subject to change at a moment's notice at this point in deployment. Homecoming-- So close and yet so fucking far. This is the letter that I really wish I would have had the balls to write in prior deployments when my beautiful loving husband turned into Mr. Edward "Eat Shit and Die" Hyde. So far, so good this time around. He's being just wonderful and I love him very much. Hope it stays that way, because Mr. Hyde is a prick.

Babe,
I really do love you, but today I hate your fucking guts. Today you are being a Class A Asshole. I know that the end of deployment brings with it the bi-polar emotional tornado, but if you don't quit taking out your frustrations on me, you will not be getting laid when you get home. And as much I really want to fuck your brains out and finally have an orgasm, at this point I would rather die of sexual deprivation than let you in my pants. The world may be going to hell in a handbasket as far as you are concerned but that is not my fucking fault, so I strongly suggest that you get your head out of your fourth point of contact and remember just who it is that you are screaming at.

I am your wife. I am raising your kids on my own, paying your bills, keeping this house running smoothly, and making sure your boys' wives/families are good all the while wishing you were home and that I was getting some ass. I do not fuck around. I do not let your shit go to shit. Even with you 10,000 miles away, my world revolves around you. The few phone calls I get are precious beyond words to describe, so being told that I'm a bitch (even though I freely admit to being one) and then hung up on is not acceptable behavior. If you really think that I am that fucked up and life is that terrible, I can make that happen.

Be safe. The enemy does not deserve to have the pleasure of killing you. I reserve that right.

Fuck you very much,
The Bitch