Cock and Ass

The phone rings early one Saturday morning and the caller ID announces that it's a Fort Campbell number. I answer the phone, expecting that one of the boys wants to invite himself over for dinner. What I get was, "Kate. Shit. Is SGT T there?? I really need to talk to him." OK. I hand the phone over to my husband who says, "What's wrong?" and then proceeds to start laughing. He then hangs up the phone, runs out the door, and says that he'll be back after he takes the boy to the hospital.

Now the laughing and the need to go to the hospital just don't match up. What the fuck is so damn funny about the kid needing medical assistance? Well, now I know: the kid was in the shower room at the old barracks sitting on the bench talking to his girlfriend. These benches are made of wood and they're old. He got a splinter in his ass. He pulled out about half of it, could still feel some in his ass cheek, and called for a rescue. The piece the kid pulled was an inch long and the nurse cut his ass cheek open to find another inch in there. So this poor kid got shit daily for "taking it up the ass!"

Then there was Psycho Boy. You know the type. All you have to hear is his name involved with an incident. "OK. Makes perfect sense now." Psycho Boy loved going out to the field just so he could fuck with people. His favorite method of messing with people was to stay up until everyone else was asleep. At this point, out comes the ink pad from his ruck and out comes the penis. Into the ink pad with the dick and smack!!! onto some poor sleeping bastard's forehead. The infamous Mushroom Stamp!

Then there are the stupid things my husband will do to entertain his soldiers. During the invasion, Christmas was approaching and everyone was depressed, so my husband pulled one of his dumbass stunts to make the boys laugh. After the boys got home, we went on block leave to visit my parents and T loads his photos on the computer to show my mom. Sand, tank, trees, Saddam's palace, some idiot jumping in the lake, more sand, my husband's balls. . . WTF?!? Yep. There on the screen to my mother's great surprise and amusement are my husband's balls tied up in blue ribbons hanging out of his spears gear. Merry Christmas!