Jackass- Army Style

The boys are working their way home and at the homecoming ceremony, we're all going to get to hear yet again about how they are all suffering from PTSD and are nuts. What I think everyone fails to remember is that these are infantrymen, not a bunch of fucking pogues! They were all out of their damn minds before they deployed!!

I swear that being an infantry wife is like watching a never-ending episode of Jackass. What stupid thing can we do today seems to be the question that infantrymen strive to answer on a daily basis, whether they are in garrison or in the field. Inch worm racing in the barracks--that's when you zip guys up in their sleeping bags and make them crawl like caterpillars. Then there's "private bowling," which takes place the day after a GI Party and the floors have been waxed to hell and back again. You collect all the beer bottles you can find, stack them, grab a private and use him for a bowling ball down the hall.

Then there are the idiots who insist on outdoing on another. Like the fool who wanted to fuck with his roommate and ripped the cord out of his toaster, attached the wires to the doorknob and the then plugged the fucker in! Or the trio who decided that repelling off the roof of the barracks with 550-cord would be good practice for air assault school.

But garrison time doesn't hold a monopoly on stupid human tricks. Field time requires a bit more creativity, but infantrymen are nothing if not inventive. There's "koala-fying"--everyone finds a tree, climbs up, hangs upside down from a branch and sees who can do this the longest. The "Parmalet Challenge" involves this fake milk shit that will keep in 110 degree weather for 500 years without spoiling. You have to chug as many of them as you can in 30 minutes and not puke. And by puke I mean projectile vomit. Oh yeah. It also makes you shit your brains out while you are puking your guts up.

And who can forget the foraging missions? One guy goes around collecting for the pool and a team goes out searching for ever kind of creepy crawly thing you can imagine, from grubs and worms to crickets and stink bugs. Whoever will eat all the bugs gets the pool. One of the guys (crazy sick mother fucker) ate a fucking LIZARD for $100!!

Can we really say that boys who act like this were really "normal" before they fucking deployed?? I think not.