In the Army

Let me set the scene. A bride wearing a flowing white gown (and hopefully not looking like a meringue) comes down the aisle with her groom in his military dress uniform. As the couple exits the church, they pass between two lines of soldiers also in military dress uniforms holding sabers over the heads of the happy couple. As she passes the last man in the line, the bride feels a smack on her ass; the last man in line has hit her with the flat of his blade and uttered the infamous phrase, "Welcome to the Army, ma'am."

There it is. Even if you got married before a justice of the peace or had just a regular civilian wedding, you better wake up to one simple fact: you may not signed on the dotted line, but you are in the Army now and had better be ready to deal with all the bullshit that Army life brings. And "Hurry up and wait" will be your new motto. You're going to be doing a LOT of waiting--waiting for paperwork to go through, waiting for husbands to come home from the field or deployment, waiting for promotions, waiting for orders, waiting to get laid. . . A whole fuck ton of waiting.

And expect the military to rub off on you in ways that you would never expect. Case in point: my husband and I met in college where we were studying to be pastors. Most people are surprised by this and surprised is putting it mildly. Apparently pastors frown upon the use of words like fuck, shit, damn, hell, pussy, asshole, etc and my fondness for these words excludes the ministry from professions most people can see me doing. Ah, the joys of hanging out with infantrymen!

My husband is a soldier, and a damn good one at that. He's the one who goes to foreign country to kill with extreme prejudice those who threaten this country. He's the one who has to deal with bosses who will fuck you in the ass if you let them and soldiers who don't know their asses from holes in the ground. He gets to play with all the cool toys and see fantastic faraway places. I may not get to do any of these things, nor do I wear a uniform, but I am in the Army too.

I am an Army wife. A proud and noble profession.

Don't fuck with me.