New Year's

I had no idea why it is that people make New Year's resolutions, so I googled it. Apparently, it dates back to Roman times with the infamous Julius Caesar who made a new resolution every year to honor the god Janus. Janus has two faces which allow him to look to the past as well as to the future. Whatever. People make them now and the success rate is fucking pathetic. That's why I have never done it.

Now we do have a tradition in this house that I follow every year, mostly because it is way too fucking fun NOT to do it. We pick a member of the family to literally throw out of the house. And let's face it, watching your teenage son or daughter fight while their dad throws them out the door at midnight is too damn funny to pass up. You see, the idea is that you throw the old year out of the house with the family member and then you welcome the new year with the person when they ring the bell to come back in, yelling "Happy New Year!"

I think we military wives need to come up with our own tradition for New Year's. Like getting shit-ass drunk, dancing naked it the moonlight, and blowing up blocks of C4 with notes attached to them symbolizing all the things we hate about the Army. You know, things like deployment, no sex, husbands getting shot at, the names of officers and NCOs who are shitty beyond all belief, stupid paperwork, crap pay, etc. Did I mention deployment and no sex? I think that would be fan-fucking-tastic and just plain old fun.

I have no idea who would join in, nor do I have any idea how the fuck I could even get a hold of C4. Damn it. Oh well. Since that won't work, here's my New Year's resolution: I will be a happier person in the coming year. This will be easy to keep after February-ish, because I'll be getting laid again!! I would also include that I will not swear so much and that I will quit smoking, but let's just face reality. Neither of those is ever going to fucking happen.

So good night. Happy New Year's. I'm going to go open that bottle of wine and have a fucking cigarette.