"It's a quarter after one. . ." Literally. As per the usual state of things during deployment, I am all alone and God do I need the hubby around about now so I can get laid--just like the song says. Fucking Deployment Insomnia!! I'm am more exhausted than I can even try to explain, but sleep is not forthcoming. And it is only getting worse the longer this stupid, shitty, fucking deployment goes on. I just want to sleep. Maybe if I was getting sex, I could sleep. But sex isn't happening either. Fuck.
Apparently, I should be on drugs to be able to fucking calm down enough to get to sleep, but drugs would likely render me comatose and I can't do that with a baby in the house and two kids to wake up at 0600 for school. I've tried exercise. Reading. Watching infomercials. Hot showers. Alcohol. And nothing will fucking just knock my ass out! I haven't fallen asleep before 0300 in probably a good month and that is just unacceptable!
Stupid doesn't being to describe this sleeplessness. I don't sleep when my husband is home because he snores like a damned freight train, but I can't sleep when he's not here because he isn't fucking here! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! I cannot go another 3 months like this. Sleep is necessary to maintain sanity and I don't have a lot of that left to go around. Have you seen Star Trek and the episode about not dreaming leading to psychosis? Well, beam me up, Scotty. That's where I'm headed!!
Unfortunately, the only cure for this shit is a plane full of men in uniform landing at the airstrip here at Fort Campbell and giving me back my goddamn husband!!! I think I should should start holding nightly coffee-less coffees at my house for all the ladies who are here and still awake at zero-dark-thirty. It's five o'clock somewhere (and not 5am!!).
So I'm off. To another night of staring at the ceiling, wondering why I am awake, and wishing the hubby was around to fuck my brains out and maybe wear me out enough that I can go to sleep!! My love, prepare your penis. I'm going to need it when you get home.
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