Here's a Quarter--

I meet all kinds of people in the Army: from single Joe to the 1SG and his wife. One thing all military people have in common, regardless of rank, is we can all find something to bitch about. Always. And 99% of the time, the Army gave us that thing to bitch about. You know, shitty pay, paperwork fuck-ups, waiting for something to happen, the fucking hospital and doctors, the jackass in charge. Whatever. We all bitch.

And then there are the people who you see are calling and you want to dig a hole, fill it with cement and jump in just so you don't have to fucking talk to them. And all you want to say to that person, before they can open then mouth to start whining (because this person doesn't bitch) is, "Go fuck yourself. Please. And for God's sake, quit being such a whiny little bitch!"

Like the wife who tells her deployed husband she wants a divorce. They've been married about 16 months and have a 2 month old (and she's fucked at least 3 other men). Then she calls me in tears when he changes his bank account, revokes her POAs, and only gives her BAH-II and what the state estimates his child support will be. Like I can fix it. Ummmm. . . You made your bed, fucked another man in it, and now you are SOL, psycho whore! Don't come whining to me. Nothing I can do for you, honey. He's giving you everything the Army says he has to.

Or the soldier who is always at sick call because he has an ingrown toenail. Or who calls his sergeant to say how everyone picks on him or he can't leave his wife alone to do his fucking job or that the other sergeants hate him and he wants to kill himself (please, just get a knife and stab yourself). You know, if you have a legitimate problem, I'll be the first one to help. But when a soldier whines at me about something at work and how horrible it is, I ask him what the fuck he did wrong to deserve it, and usually the soldier did do something. Like never fucking do what he's told! Grow the fuck up. Get a pair. Be a man, you fucking whiny pussy!

I cannot stand whiny people (she said whiningly). They bother me. But I have a, idea for combatting the fucktards who insist upon complaining for nothing. From now on, when whiny people call me, I'm going to invite them to come to my house. I'll have an actual coffee with actual fucking coffee (as opposed to my coffee-less coffees--good times!!) And we will all sit around and all of them can fill out the following official military form to be turned in to the appropiate piece of shit officer: